Bullshit Crafting Product: 002 Toilet Paper Tubes

I was inspired to see if my cotton seeds were still viable, so I put one in a sawed-off water bottle filled with soil to see what would happen. After watering, it sprouted in a matter of days. Truly a miracle since these seeds may very well be 5 years old or older. I can't remember the last time I went picking cotton bolls in my father's garden. When the sprout grew large enough to transplant, removing it from the bottle was very difficult. I had to slice the bottle down both sides to get it out and I'm pretty sure I damaged some of the delicate roots. By this time I had tried sprouting a few more seeds in the same way, and they did not survive the transplant when it came their turn, though I suspect one fell prey the the moth grub problem my patio has.

I would not have even bothered using the plastic bottles, but I have a shitton of them already prepared left over from a student experiment with plants. At the end of the experiments, I eventually had to get to work cleaning out the plastic bottles so I could recycle them. During the grueling work I had ample opportunity to reflect on whether or not repurposed bottles were the way to go. Would my students have used as many water and soda bottles in the first place if I hadn't told them they needed to bring some for an assignment? Was there really any environmental benefit to using the bottle as a pot before recycling it? We already had to rinse them once to use as pots, and then rinse them again so we could toss them in the recycle bin. What a waste of water! There has to be a better way, and I think I found one on Pinterest. What a great idea, using toilet paper tubes as seed starters. You can transplant your seedlings without un-potting them and the paper tube will decompose easily in time. Furthermore, I've always been a little dubious when I toss tp tubes in the recycle bin. These things aren't made out of the greatest paper pulp quality, and I can't imagine they recycle into anything very well anyway.

I did a little bit of research to see how other people were starting seeds. Thanks to the nosy nature of Google (second only to my grandmother) I started getting eBay ads for rolls of toilet paper. It's a thing friends, and I'm not even the only one who has noticed. Now why in the world would someone be willing to pay for and ship bulk toilet paper tubes? In my heart I hoped it's because everyone is really getting into gardening and need tubes for a massive amount of seed starting. Pinterest, well aware that I was showing interest in toilet paper tubes, showed me far more impractical applications that really pushed the boundaries of taste.

Adults are seriously making home decor out of toilet paper tubes. Mostly, the end products really, most definitely, look like they were made out of toilet paper tubes. Like, if someone invited me to their house, showed me their toilet paper tube wall art, and asked me to guess what it was made out of, I would instantly say toilet paper tubes. One of the problems in disguising this art form is that the most common design element is the simple squashed-tube shape which makes
a leaf-like design. It really, really just looks like a squashed toilet paper tube.

One way to disguise the material is to paint it. The problem with toilet paper tubes is that the crummy pulp the tube is made of is pretty absorptive and it's fuzzy, paper-pulpy nature often shows through. Even if it's painted with many layers or given a good dose of spray paint, it still looks like a painted toilet paper tube. Glitter seems to help, but I'm not an advocate of glitter-based solutions.

Some toilet paper tube art uses paper quilling techniques to add diversity to the shapes and patterns your art can take. However, the cardboard that is used to make toilet paper tubes isn't very forgiving. It's really crappy quality, and should be. It's a toilet paper tube. If you try to fold, bend, or roll this material, it tears, crumples, and frays easily. I'm not just imagining this either. I got roped into making party favors once with these things, and it's not easy. Considering what a frustrating craft material toilet paper tubes are, and their terrible quality, I don't know why anyone would put so much effort into something that is going to fall apart.

People with far more patience and skill than I have done some truly impressive things with toilet paper tubes, but you probably aren't one of those people, let's face it. I can see a theater set designer pulling off some impressive faux wrought iron using toilet paper tubes, and to me, the stage seems to be where this skill belongs. Up close, it's obviously toilet paper tubes.

Most likely will not be
used for actual canning

There are enough bottle caps in landfills,
Why do we need pre-decorated ones?

At the very least, craft stores haven't found out about this trend yet and started selling better quality vintage paper rolls like they do with those Ball jars and bottle caps of all things. So, while I have a lot to complain about, these toilet paper tube creations are actually repurposing trash.

Bullshit Scorecard

It still looks like toilet paper tubes	-5
Environmental friendliness...I guess	+5
Durability	-5
Grand Total	-5